Amma came to me last night in a dream. She let me feel her --

In the dream i was in control and as safe as i could ever be through my own actions.. My muscled arms were fully engaged, with hands strangling the throats of my demons - i was in control. As this happened, i felt the blade of an unseen and invisible knife scraping against my throat and the awareness that the one wielding this knife knew that at any time they could kill me - but was content to play -- the invisible blade was tickling my throat - sometimes it was a knife, other times long fingernails or hands that could strangle me - Either way i was vulnerable and exposed in spite of my best efforts. (or perhaps because of them!)

i could not reach up to remove this intrusion because doing so would mean i would have to release one of the demons in my grasp. I was filled with fear as to what to do to protect myself - as my perpetrator played with me. How much tome do i have before i am killed, i wondered?

So i readied my self, counted to 3,, flung the demons that were in my hand and quickly reached up to remove the unseen blade from my throat -- at which time i woke up in fear to the familiar laughter of Amma and the same fierce and gentle presence i feel in my heart -- within seconds i returned to the dream, lucidly and with my arms at my sides, allowing any demons to attack - in this half lucid dream slumber - Amma came in form in Devi Bhava -- looking only at me - serious, reassuring -- while behind, her form dressed in saris and smiling also appeared and dissolved -- eventually her devi bhava form also dissolved and I felt her unmistakable, fierce and playful presence as i drifted off again, as i welcomed her to my throat with awareness not sleep..

I am getting closer - be careful what you wish for because you will get it if you ask Ma for it and it does not hurt anyone.

I have just been asking for the truth, whatever it looks like, whatever it is or wants to do with me.

I experience Amma as the heaviest, most solid prescence imaginable, yet light as a feather. The most serious and experienced, yet the most childlike and innocent. The most consistent and purposeful, yet the most spontaneous and free. The most intelligent and yet the most devoted..